Being confident and self assured as an adult begins with knowing what you value and believe in.

This is not a subject to be casual about.  If there is only one exercise you ever do in your entire life to assist you in making decisions and gaining self awareness – it’s the one below.  Defining your values is like writing the first section of your own personal “operation manual”.

Your values are the things you believe are most important in the way you behave, make decisions, do your work and live your life. 

You have values that you hold the highest above everything else.  Whether you have taken the time to consciously define them or not, they drive your actions, your emotions and are the constant measures you use to determine if you believe your life is on track or not. 

Your values are your own personal human code of conduct.  You created it, you follow it and you believe in the justice of it.  

Your values are indicators as to what you feel your purpose is.  They are silently directing and motivating your behaviours – connecting you, warning you and triggering your “spidey senses” to go off at times..

When you do things that align with your values you generally feel positive about your life.  When you do things that are not aligned, but also not opposed with your values, you feel disconnected.  

When things somehow feel wrong – even anxiety may arrive or a feeling of being physically sick can occur, your actions or behaviours are probably violating your values.


It’s important that you take the time to define what they are. 

Read through the following list of values and select the top 8 – 10 that are important to you.

Acceptance    Accomplishment        Acknowledgement    Activeness

Adventure              Affection                Ambition                  Amusement

Art                  Assertiveness                 Attractiveness                Balance

Being the best          Belonging              Bravery                        Celebrity

Certainty                Challenge                 Change                  Cheerfulness

Clarity               Cleanliness                      Comfort                  Community

Connection          Conservation               Courage                  Creativity

Decisiveness      Dependability           Determination          Devotion

Discipline          Discovery                     Education                 Empathy

Encouragement         Energy             Entertainment          Enthusiasm

Environmentalism       Ethics                  Experience                Fairness

Faith                  Family                       Fearlessness                    Fidelity

Financial independence                     Fitness                     Freedom

Friendship               Generosity                 Growth                  Happiness

Health                  Heart               Helping other people              Honesty

Hospitality           Humility                     Humor                 Imagination

Independence       Individuality     Inner peace              Inspiration

Integrity              Intelligence                      Intimacy               Justice

Kindness                 Leadership                  Learning                    Love

Loyalty              Making a difference                  Meaningful work

Motivation      Open-mindedness       Optimism        Organization

Patience        Passion           Perseverance       Personal Development

Philanthropy          Pleasure               Popularity                      Power

Pride               Privacy                Professionalism               Punctuality

Recognition           Religion               Resourcefulness            Respect

Rest                   Security                 Self-control                 Selflessness

Spirituality                 Strength               Success                   Teaching

Teamwork              Temperance                Thrift                        Trust

Truth                   Volunteering               Winning                  Wisdom

Once you have your top 8 – 10 values reduce that list down to your top 4. 

When you have your top 4, reduce your list again down to only your top two.

If this sounds hard, put them in pairs and ask yourself the direct question “If I could only select one of these – which would it be?”  and just pick.  Be quick about it.

Now reduce your list to just one.  

“I can’t” is not an option.  Go with your gut and pick one.  This is what you value most above all else.

Family sitting in hammock

Your top four values are what drive most of your choices, it’s nice to get officially introduced.

It is necessary for you to go through this process because this is the truth behind everything you do.

Understanding what your highest values are and using them to map your future choices will ensure your internal compass is driving your life.  

These are your guides, they will not let you down.

Some people say “fight for what you believe in”.  I say “Live for what you believe in”.

You can… when you know what that is.